Grieving yet still Grateful….

“You will lose someone you can’t live without,and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved. But this is also the good news. They live forever in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up. And you come through. It’s like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly—that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp.”
Anne Lamott ( Goodreads.com) ( i love this quote, It puts into words exactly how I feel right now)

 I  know this blog is kind of repetitive as I did a similar blog topic last week, but its been on my heart again 😦

It’s been a crazy two weeks y’all. Losing two family members within ONE DAY of each other has probably been one of the hardest situations I have ever been through in life. But what made this situation even harder to deal with, was with the fact that I had to step into the role of “the strong one”. Each one of my parents lost a sibling, and not only a sibling, they lost their closest sibling. So naturally they are hurting. Also what makes this situation so hard, is that they don’t even really have each other to lean on right because each one is grieving the loss of their own.

So that leaves me. The most accessible child caught in the middle of two grieving parents. It’s been hard guys. I’ve been doing my best to be supportive to both parents, but it can really take a toll on you especially as you yourself are grieving. I think this past Sunday as we laid my Aunt to rest, It really hit me that she’s really gone 😦  She is the aunt that I take after the most. I get my attitude from her, my temper from her and my awesome skin from her ( thanks to all the nights of her coating me in baby lotion and Vaseline 😛 ) and to even imagine that I can’t pick up the phone and hear her cuss me again is so hard. The way that she took care of my father as a young boy( and even as an adult) always resonated with me. As a self-proclaimed “daddy’s girl” ( lol) It always warmed my heart to see their relationship, and because she loved my dad so much, that automatically made me her favorite 😛 ( sorry guys they said it at the funeral: it’s confirmed lol 🙂 ) Then there’s my uncle.. such a kind-hearted man. My mom’s number one fan and her fiercest protector growing up. My mom is shattered and that just breaks me  😦

But I am so glad that I have had an amazing support system. I can’t even stress the amount of love I have for my friends. They have truly rallied around my family and I during this time. The calls the texts,the social media check ins, the visits, the food,the laughs and cheering up has been absolutely my rock during this time. My amazing co- workers ( who are friends like family) have made it possible for me to be accessible for my family, picking up my slack at work, literally feeding me ( thanks Mina 🙂 ) and just being as supportive as can be…. words can’t even express my gratitude. My church family… man… words can’t even express how supportive they have been. Right from day one they stood by our side and filled our home with prayers, company and  groceries. No church is perfect but my church has certainly set the bar high when it comes to genuine compassion and love.Hamilton Church of God of Prophecy, you are loved.I’m forever grateful.

Now I’m not the type of person who grieves openly. I’m more of the “keep it bottled in”  kind of girl . It’s actually really hard for me to express my emotion. I guess it’s because I’m pretty tough and resilient I sometimes forget that “tough girls” need to cry sometimes too. While it’s hard for me to express my emotion, I know that it’s not healthy to keep everything bottled up. I have my “true few” who have seen me break down and have been a great support but I am so glad that I serve a God that I can come to with my grief and lay it right at His feet. If there is anyone I can be completely transparent with its God. He has been there through the darkest of times and I know He will continue to see me through.

Matthew 5:4  “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.”

All I can say is that if you are grieving please reach out to someone. I understand not everyone shares the type of relationship with God that I do ( although you should try it, its honestly amazing! 🙂 ❤ )  But please talk to someone. A friend,a coach, a parent, a teacher… anyone. It’s much harder to “recover” from grief by yourself. Put your trust in someone.

Keep me in your thoughts y’all! Now that things have calmed down a tad, I’ll be right back on to my regularly scheduled blogging!!!

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xoxo

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2 thoughts on “Grieving yet still Grateful….

  1. All I can really say here is I get it. It’s hard. When your parents are grieving and your grieving, but you feel you have to take on the role to help them. There are SOOOOOO many emotions bottled up in all of that, words can’t even express it. I HAD to lean on my friends. They kept me up when I felt I was falling over and then that in turned helped me to try to keep my parents up. Death is so final. The total separation from someone is just so…..mean. I thank God that we have a hope. Without it Soph, I don’t know how we would get through. I don’t understand why people don’t get to know Christ. But that’s a topic for a different day 🙂

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