30 And Grateful….

30 And Grateful….

Hey y’all

So.. It’s finally here. I’ve officially left my 20’s and have entered into my 30’s…. Had you asked me a year ago If I was worried about turning 30 I would have told you no way! But then… July of this year rolled around and all of a sudden it hit me ; I’m about to be 30! ( insert straight face emoticon here) I began to really get down on myself. There’s  so much I had wanted to accomplish in my 20’s that I havent done yet. Not that I havent accomplished a lot ( because I have) but still I had a plan! People around me were telling me that it’s really not a “big deal” and that frustrated me to no end! Yes, I know it may not be a big deal to you but hey I’m entitled to my opinions and feelings. Plus I think it’s really hard especially on us females. Am I wrong? So that just brought me down even more. I honestly think I was having a “midlife” crisis the past few weeks. 😦

I however had to take a step back and after a particularly rough day dwelling on the fact that my youth was rapidly evading me.( and people telling me it’s not a big deal) I had to chastise myself and really stop and think about what I was doing. I was literally giving God a big old slap in His face by mourning the fact that I was granted another year of life! How ungrateful of me!

Yes I’ve had some really rough times during these past few decades. But one thing remains, God was right there beside me leading me. Even when I chose not to follow Him, He still stayed beside me. How can I not be grateful?

This year, I place all my plans in His hands. Jeremiah 29:11-13 says:

 11For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

I pray as I step into the 30’s I will remember my plans do not reign sovereign! God knows what He’s doing and He doesn’t need my help! Everything will work out in time. So, i’m kick up my heels and dance like its 1999, love on people, honor God and wait on my blessings!

I always like to choose a song to carry with me in heart for my birthday year. This year I chose “All of my Help” by Geoffrey Golden ( listen down below)

Age really aint nuthin but a number! Youre only as old as you feel! ( I wish someone gave me knees the memo that I’m not that old lol ) Plus, I still get carded everywhere I go so that means I don’t look a day over 17! ( I’ll take it) 30 years young and looking forward to what this next decade has in store! Pray for me y’all! All of my help comes from you God!!

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xoxo

Grieving yet still Grateful….

Grieving yet still Grateful….

“You will lose someone you can’t live without,and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved. But this is also the good news. They live forever in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up. And you come through. It’s like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly—that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp.”
Anne Lamott ( Goodreads.com) ( i love this quote, It puts into words exactly how I feel right now)

 I  know this blog is kind of repetitive as I did a similar blog topic last week, but its been on my heart again 😦

It’s been a crazy two weeks y’all. Losing two family members within ONE DAY of each other has probably been one of the hardest situations I have ever been through in life. But what made this situation even harder to deal with, was with the fact that I had to step into the role of “the strong one”. Each one of my parents lost a sibling, and not only a sibling, they lost their closest sibling. So naturally they are hurting. Also what makes this situation so hard, is that they don’t even really have each other to lean on right because each one is grieving the loss of their own.

So that leaves me. The most accessible child caught in the middle of two grieving parents. It’s been hard guys. I’ve been doing my best to be supportive to both parents, but it can really take a toll on you especially as you yourself are grieving. I think this past Sunday as we laid my Aunt to rest, It really hit me that she’s really gone 😦  She is the aunt that I take after the most. I get my attitude from her, my temper from her and my awesome skin from her ( thanks to all the nights of her coating me in baby lotion and Vaseline 😛 ) and to even imagine that I can’t pick up the phone and hear her cuss me again is so hard. The way that she took care of my father as a young boy( and even as an adult) always resonated with me. As a self-proclaimed “daddy’s girl” ( lol) It always warmed my heart to see their relationship, and because she loved my dad so much, that automatically made me her favorite 😛 ( sorry guys they said it at the funeral: it’s confirmed lol 🙂 ) Then there’s my uncle.. such a kind-hearted man. My mom’s number one fan and her fiercest protector growing up. My mom is shattered and that just breaks me  😦

But I am so glad that I have had an amazing support system. I can’t even stress the amount of love I have for my friends. They have truly rallied around my family and I during this time. The calls the texts,the social media check ins, the visits, the food,the laughs and cheering up has been absolutely my rock during this time. My amazing co- workers ( who are friends like family) have made it possible for me to be accessible for my family, picking up my slack at work, literally feeding me ( thanks Mina 🙂 ) and just being as supportive as can be…. words can’t even express my gratitude. My church family… man… words can’t even express how supportive they have been. Right from day one they stood by our side and filled our home with prayers, company and  groceries. No church is perfect but my church has certainly set the bar high when it comes to genuine compassion and love.Hamilton Church of God of Prophecy, you are loved.I’m forever grateful.

Now I’m not the type of person who grieves openly. I’m more of the “keep it bottled in”  kind of girl . It’s actually really hard for me to express my emotion. I guess it’s because I’m pretty tough and resilient I sometimes forget that “tough girls” need to cry sometimes too. While it’s hard for me to express my emotion, I know that it’s not healthy to keep everything bottled up. I have my “true few” who have seen me break down and have been a great support but I am so glad that I serve a God that I can come to with my grief and lay it right at His feet. If there is anyone I can be completely transparent with its God. He has been there through the darkest of times and I know He will continue to see me through.

Matthew 5:4  “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.”

All I can say is that if you are grieving please reach out to someone. I understand not everyone shares the type of relationship with God that I do ( although you should try it, its honestly amazing! 🙂 ❤ )  But please talk to someone. A friend,a coach, a parent, a teacher… anyone. It’s much harder to “recover” from grief by yourself. Put your trust in someone.

Keep me in your thoughts y’all! Now that things have calmed down a tad, I’ll be right back on to my regularly scheduled blogging!!!

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xoxo

Just For Me…

Just For Me…

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Happy Good Friday Ya’ll! Just popping on here to share one of the songs that remind me of the great gift God gave me when He gave His son on Calvary just for me. I’m so unworthy but forever grateful! Happy Easter season! Enjoy time with your friends, family and take great pride that someone made the greatest sacrifice Just for you!

xoxo

What does the cross of Jesus mean?
It’s more than songs we sing, yeah
Much more than that emblem on your chain
But it means I’m free, yes from the chains of slavery
And the blood that shed won’t let my sins remain, oh my

Upon the cross my Saviour died, the Lamb was crucified
Showed us love that this world had never known
Oh what love, divine so divine, true a love you’ll never find
So that we might live, love came and died alone, Hallelujah

Well the Cross will always represent the love God had for me
When the Lord of glory, Heaven sent gave all on calvary
He did it just for me, just for me, Hallelujah
Jesus came and did it just for me, help me say

Well the Cross will always represent the love God had for me
When the Lord of glory, Heaven sent gave all on calvary
Just for me, just for me
Jesus came and did it just for me

Just for me, just for me
Jesus came and did it just for me
Just for me, just for me
Jesus came and did it just for me

(http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/donniemcclurkin/justforme.html)