Guys, the amount of times I have written and re written this post is obnoxious. I tried back in MARCH 2020 y’all to come on here and continue this blogging journey… but I just couldn’t.
My last post was Christmas 2019 and if you’ve been a long time reader, you could just tell that something was off. The post wasn’t giving what it was supposed to give. I honestly just wrote it because I was on a “schedule” and it was Christmas so I definitely had to do something… right? Little did I know that a few days later the enemy would send the biggest attack he’s ever sent my way in the form of hurt, anger, anxiety and depression.
November and December 2019 saw the following things happen: the end of a romantic relationship, the end of very close and personal friendships and to top it off personal health struggles ( I’m doing fine though guys 🙂 ) I just couldn’t fake the funk and come on here and type messages of “just love them anyway” when in my heart of hearts I knew I was consumed with anger and hurt and a desire to seek revenge… not only with the people involved but also with myself. I couldn’t forgive myself for past mistakes or “love myself anyway “. I spiralled into a dark and dangerous place of self- loathing , reclusiveness and anxious living.
Nevertheless, one thing I promised never to do with this blog project was be a hypocrite. If I couldn’t live “just love them anyway” I wasn’t going to blog… and so I didn’t … for 18 long months. Instead, with that time I allowed God to begin a new work in me, and that started with some deep self discovery . There were lots of things I needed to fix within myself. So not only did I begin a spiritual reboot, I allowed God to grant me the wisdom to seek professional help. Now this is not something I speak openly about. I mean up until now only my parents and my close inner circle knew that I decided to do the best thing for myself and get into therapy; and honestly, aside from giving my heart to Jesus, therapy was the best thing I ever did. I was blessed to have a wonderful faith based therapist who really helped me breakdown the semantics of my “breakdown”, put things into perspective and come up with a plan for moving forward in this new normal. Therapy is ongoing guys. Even though I feel like myself again, there is still work that needs to be done. I am grateful that these resources are readily available for me to access . Not only that, I am grateful that I have a job that prioritizes mental health which allowed for me to take a 8 week leave of absence with job security intact.
So here we are now, I take a leave of absence and I’m getting ready to head back to work and to head back to life with coping skills in hand…. and then A GLOBAL PANDEMIC HIT. Any motivation I had of jumping back on here to blog, again was dashed as we began hearing of deaths associated to the virus( some close to home) and the world was just at a standstill. Standstill… that’s what I heard God tell me to do. There were other things He needed me to focus on.. mainly quiet time with Him. He needed me to be still so that He could pour into me and also help me heal. And in such manner, I did just that. I stood still and allowed the presence of God to just saturate every part of life. While the world was closed, ministry still had to continue, so I took the quiet time to realign with the Holy Spirit, to really hear what He was saying to me and how He wanted to use me. Did He ever pour into me in this time! As horrible as this pandemic has been, I am grateful for the abundance of time I was able to just spend in the presence of my Saviour.
During this time, Kari Jobe and Elevation Worship released a song called, “The Blessing” and let me say that song met me in the season where I needed the reminder the most. It spoke to me in ways that assured me that God had heard my cries, my pleas and prayers. Listen y’all, there was a time that I didn’t know if I was ever going to blog again. Not because I didn’t want to, but because I wasn’t sure I was going to be here… and by here I meant alive. But in my deepest of darkest of moments, when dark thoughts consumed my mind, God sent a community of people around me in just the right time to pray with me, pray for me, take me out of the house, feed me, anoint my head with oil, SPEAK LIFE over me and for them I will be eternally grateful. ( Y’all know who you are but I want to you hear it from me GOD BLESS YOU)
See , God knows who you’ll need in every season of your life. Some relationships are for a lifetime others are for a season but every single one served a purpose and was for reason. So to all the relationships that have melted away, thank you. Thank you for the memories and thank you for the lessons and blessings.
“‘“The Lord bless you
and keep you;
25 the Lord make his face shine on you
and be gracious to you;
26 the Lord turn his face toward you
and give you peace.”’ ( Numbers 6: 24-26)
I lost my grandmother in November 2020 at 103 years old. She lived a long and beautiful life and that’s what I want to do ❤
So, welcome back to just love them anyway. I hope you stick around for the journey…
I leave you with this:
You will make mistakes, but you are deserving of grace
You might lose your way, But Christ is the compass you need to get back on track
and when all else fails, JUST LOVE THEM ANYWAY