Here we are, just about at the end of the 1st month of the year. Already! If this month is any indication of how the rest of the year is going to go…well for the first time in a long time I may be okay with it!
It’s no surprise to my long time readers that the last 3 years have been particularly rough for me and my family( for my new readers; we have all been plagued with health issues, deaths in the family, car accidents etc..) and that I have spent the better part of the last few years “trusting God to see me through”… yet trying to do it all on my own, falling victim to anxiety and fear… and failing miserably at holding it all together… on the inside of course. On the outside everything was “sunshine and lollipops”.
But towards the end of 2017, I really had to take stock of the way I was living. I was far from living my best life . I was merely existing. I had allowed anxiety to rule how I responded ( inwardly ) to situations. On the outside, I was calm cool and collected, but on the inside I was a bottle of nerves, not sleeping. 24/7 worry. I don’t know about you, but that’s no way to live! It was during this time that I began waking up at 3:30 every single morning. I mean rain or shine, work or no work when that clock hit 3:30 my eyes were open and would remain that way until it was time to get up for work. No matter what I tried, I could not get back to sleep. I could not be at… peace.
I confided in a great friend of mine who encouraged me when that happens, I should get up and pray. So here 3:30 rolls around again. I did it. I got up, I kneeled at the side of my bed and began to talk to God and do you know what? After I prayed, I hopped back in my bed and grabbed my phone anticipating another few hours of sleeplessness. Y’all… I was asleep before I could even open the youtube app LOL. There was such a peace that had come over me.
I realized over the past few years , thats what I had been missing, my peace. This year I vowed to not let anything disturb my peace. Oftentimes, in the midst of crisis, I hear the words “be still”. My anxiety encouraged me to take control. If I could keep everything under control myself, I would be okay. Not so at all. God had to send me these subtle reminders to ” be still” and also to remind me that He is my peace.
What I’ve learned and what I’m once again clinging to, is the peace that God gives me. Any situation that comes my way, I give it to God and leave it there. All God wanted me to do these past few years is to tell Him about my troubles and to stop micromanaging Him. He didn’t need my help to procure my peace. He is my peace, I just had to let Him be.
It’s so funny, I usually try to plan out my posts on Sunday evening so that by the time Monday rolls around, I have an idea of the content I want to post. Well this Sunday was a busy one at church/ framily ( friends like family) stuff to do so I didn’t get a chance to prepare. All day today, I couldn’t figure out what to post tonight. I asked God to give me a word to share this evening. I was literally about to not post anything at all and as I was scrolling through youtube something said to me, ” you need to put Lauren Daigle’s album back on your phone ( I got a new iPhone and NONE of my Apple Music downloads transferred over for some reason, so I have been re-downloading bit by bit. )
Lo and behold, I see she has a new song out with The Belonging Co. called…. wait for it… PEACE BE STILL….. now if that ain’t God showing up and showing out and I don’t know what it is! I’m so grateful I found this song. I feel like it will be on repeat for the foreseeable future! ( Steph if you’re reading this, you know I can KILL a song ie: open heaven river wild LOL)
This year has just begun and it has already been marred by tragedy ( RIP Holly) but Philippians 4 verses 6-7 which reads:
Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. 7 Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus has been a major encouragement for me.
There’s an old chorus I grew up hearing where the list of the lyrics are “Why worry when you can pray?” At the end of last year I found a meme on instagram that read:
So that’s what I’m going to do this year.. Give it all to God and let my peace be still! I pray that you’ll do the same!
All the blessings and love!
Till next time…